


Once Spoken

by obi_ki



Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Genre: Angst, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-03
Updated: 2011-07-03
Packaged: 2017-10-20 23:30:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/218283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obi_ki/pseuds/obi_ki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For good or bad, words often can have a much stronger effect than actions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once Spoken

Pairing: Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan  
Category: Mild angst, First Time, Qui/Obi  
Rating: NC-17  
Warnings: None  
Spoilers: None  
Summary: Sometimes words can have a much stronger effect than actions.

Disclaimers: Everything Star Wars belongs to George Lucas and Lucasfilms. I am just playing in his world, borrowing the boyz and their accomplices and will return them all when I'm through. No money is being made from this, it is all done for entertainment only.

Author's notes: Thanks and chocolate covered Qui-Gons to Monalee for the beta. Her keen eyes and great suggestions made this a better story. As always, I can't resist a few final tweaks so any mistakes are mine. Feedback is treasured in any way, shape or form either onlist or privately at kiowkqgj@yahoo.com Hope you enjoy the story.

****************************

For the past three cycles, I've been striving to find the ideal moment to approach Qui-Gon about deepening our relationship. But every scenario I attempted failed miserably, no matter what I tried. My plans ran the gamut from subtle to obvious to contrived but still I failed to orchestrate an intimate moment that would allow me to broach my feelings for him. Some just petered out with a whimper, while others blew up with the flash of a podracer crashing into the ground. Try as I might, every attempt was thwarted by our duties at Temple, the responsibilities of our missions, the intervention of friends and acquaintances, bad timing or just by Qui-Gon's own cluelessness. I found my frustration rising with each failed attempt and for the past ten I'd been just barely managing to keep my exasperation reined in. Only the knowledge of our upcoming rest period was enabling me to carry on.

The beginning of the rest period coincided with the last day of exams and I intended to use that factor to my advantage. Once I'd completed my astrophysics final, we'd both have three days with no responsibilities or pressing duties. I planned on using those three days and everything at my disposal to do whatever it took to convince Qui-Gon that I was mature enough to enter into a sexual relationship with him.

I had studied extensively and felt fully prepared for my exam but I rose early anyway, using the time to make first-meal for Qui-Gon. Most days we ate in the dining hall, sometimes together and other times with our peers and the rare meals we shared together in the intimacy of our quarters had become a special treat that I definitely wanted for this day.

I think Qui-Gon was surprised by the gesture but he accepted it in all his understated grace. His polite thank you was the same as it would have been if I had just brewed tea and made toast, rather than having spent the last hour making an assortment of his first-meal favorites. It was apparent that he enjoyed the meal and, after partaking of a second helping, he headed to the refresher to shower and dress with another thank you and a smile. I spent the time as I cleaned up deciding exactly what I would say when I had him alone later. When I was ready to leave for my class, I called out to him through the closed door. "You'll be here when I return from my exam, right, Master?"

"I don't think so, Padawan," Qui-Gon yelled over the water. "Mace roped me into serving on the ratings sub-committee and we need to compile all the padawan and initiate placements in the physical competencies by the end of the day. I don't expect to be back until mid-afternoon."

I managed to swallow my frustration at the unsurprising turn of events, knowing that I would have three entire days to work my wiles over him. So I grabbed my datapads and headed for the teaching wing, all the while mentally developing a new plan for later this afternoon.

I aced the exam as I had expected and was flying pretty high when I headed into the marketplace nearest the Temple for supplies for the rest of the weekend. From a decadence shop, I purchased a bottle of expensive bath oil with an earthy aroma that was touted to have aphrodisiac properties. Next, I moved to the wine cellar and bought a bottle of Qui-Gon's favorite Bimmissarian wine. Then I headed to the gourmet shop and purchased the exotic Mon Calamari mushrooms and shellfish I needed to make one of his favorite dishes. I gathered a few of the more unusual salad greens to dress up what we had in our cooler and some Belkadan chocolate to make a light mousse for dessert.

My earlier annoyance at the sudden change of plans was forgotten as I arrived back at our quarters and set to work on the first stage of this latest attempt at seduction. I prepared as much as I could in advance, storing each serving of salad and dessert in individual dishes in the cooling unit. I combined all the ingredients for the main course, adding just the right touch of seasonings before placing the shellfish/vegetable combination in the cooler to marinate until the time was right to saut it.

After I finished preparing dinner, I showered thoroughly and dressed in a casual outfit of tight gray leggings and a long-sleeved, deep blue synthsilk tunic. I replaited my braid but left my knight's tail loose and didn't bother with socks or boots. As I worked, I kept part of my attention focused on my bond with Qui-Gon, so I was able to tell when the committee meeting ended. As soon as I felt him heading back to our quarters, I started the bath, poured a glass of wine and waited for him just inside the door.

Qui-Gon looked up in surprise as the door slid open and I exchanged the pile of datapads he was holding for the glass of wine. "What is all this, Padawan?" he asked with a raised eyebrow as he looked from me to his wine and back again.

"After a day of arguing rankings with Master Windu and the rest of the committee, I thought you might like to unwind a little," I said noncommittally. "So I called upon a padawan's prerogative to pamper his Master and filled a bath for you and made you a special dinner."

He looked at the glass of wine with a touch of longing before handing it back to me with a sigh. "I wish you had asked me first, Obi-Wan. Chancellor Valorum requested my presence at a meeting this evening, to discuss the situation on Belsavis."

I fought my annoyance at being thwarted again by duty and said with a smile, "Well, you still have to eat. Why don't you go and enjoy your bath while I finish dinner and then you can go off to the meeting properly reinforced."

"The meeting is scheduled to begin in forty minutes," Qui-Gon stated as he headed for his bedroom. "I barely have time for a quick shower and change of clothes if I expect to get there promptly. And I'm sure they will feed us something that is meant to pass as late-meal during the discussion."

"I see," I replied coolly, my most valiant effort unable to fully hide my irritation.

"Hopefully you didn't go to too much trouble, Padawan," Qui-Gon remarked offhandedly as he stripped for his shower. "Just stick my meal in the cooling unit and I can have it another night."

"No, Master, no trouble at all," I muttered as he entered the shower. I played the dutiful padawan and laid out a clean uniform for him, then headed over to the filling tub. I turned off the water but stopped short of draining it, deciding that a long soak might help me purge my frustrations.

I returned to the kitchen and began to put away everything. My appetite had fled with my evaporating plans so there was no need to complete my preparations. I moved the salads and desserts from serving dishes to storage containers and returned them to the cooling unit. I took the marinating seafood entrée, transferred it into a freezer container and placed it into the quick freeze, hopefully to be resurrected in the next day or two. Finally, I recorked the wine and placed it in the back of the cooling unit.

Qui-Gon had emerged from his bedroom at this point, redressed and looking every inch the serene and regal Jedi Master he was. I handed him his cloak, fighting to keep my voice neutral as I said, "I'll see you after your meeting, Master."

"I expect the meeting could run very late and there's no reason for you to wait up," Qui-Gon said nonchalantly. "I'll see you in the morning, Padawan." And with that he was gone.

I fought the urge to throw something at the closing door and headed into my bedroom. A Jedi was trained to deal with all types of eventualities and I would just need to release my pent-up frustration and begin anew in the morning. I stripped off and hung my clothes and then headed into the refresher to take advantage of the steaming tub.

Closing my eyes as I settled into the aromatic water, I began a series of deep breathing exercises to purge my building vexation. It took longer than I would have liked but after a while I was calm and controlled, the model of Jedi decorum. Moping about this additional setback would not get me any closer to my goal and I needed to come up with a new plan if I wanted to resume my quest to deepen my relationship with Qui-Gon come morning. So, frustration released into the Force, I pondered my options for achieving my objective.

By the time I drained the cooling water from the tub, I had come up with a tentative plan. Lastday was usually a semi-structured day. I had two classes to teach in the morning, one an Initiate's kata class and the other a beginner gymnastics class for Padawans but by mid-meal the rest of the day would be my own. Qui-Gon usually used the morning to catch up on correspondence before meeting up with his group of friends for mid-meal. Most tens that we were in Temple, we would get together in the afternoon for a few hours of freestyle sparing and share late-meal before I headed off to meet my friends for a night of clubbing while he spent a quiet evening at home reading some boring historical tome.

I made reservations for late-meal at one of his favorite mid-level restaurants, then scanned the entertainment listings for tomorrow's events. I found a few that might interest Qui-Gon and jotted the times and places into my personal datapad. I would casually mention the options during our meal and take him to the one he seemed most intrigued by.

Content to have come up with a solid plan, I headed into the kitchen to throw together a couple of sandwiches, then settled on the couch to watch a holovid. Qui-Gon still had not returned when the holovid was finished, so after completing my evening meditations I headed off to bed.

The morning's breakfast consisted of our more standard fare - fruit, cold cereal, toast and tea. Qui-Gon appeared tired as we chatted about our morning plans and set a time to meet in the salles. My classes seemed to pass more slowly than normal but finally it was time to meet Qui-Gon. He was already in his workout clothes going through his stretching routine when I arrived and it took me only a couple of minutes to change and join him.

Our sparring session was exhilarating. We had started with some standard saber katas before moving into freeform. The bond between us was open to its fullest level and the connection linking us was amazing. It was as if we were two halves of a whole and I found myself hoping that this was a positive omen for the rest of the night.

I waited until we started our cool-down routines before mentioning my surprise. "Since my effort at pampering you last night was thwarted, I thought I'd attempt it again tonight," I said with a smile. "I made reservations for us at 'Roget's'. I thought we could celebrate the end of the term with a first-rate meal in the pleasure of each other's company."

"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan, but I have a prior commitment," Qui-Gon said. "It's Adi Gallia's nameday and a group of us are taking her out to 'Le Fountaine'.

"I'm beginning to think the Force itself is plotting against me," I mumbled under my breath.

"What was that, Padawan?" he asked, looking at me strangely.

After taking a couple of deep breaths to release my irritation, I replied with a lightness I didn't feel. "Nothing. We'll just have to do it another time. Wish Master Gallia a happy nameday for me."

Soon our cool-down had concluded and we headed back to our quarters. Since I no longer had any pressing plans for the evening, Qui-Gon took the first turn in the refresher. I was sprawled on the coach flipping through the holonet channels when he emerged from his bedroom.

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as I took in his handsome form. Dressed in form-fitting black gabardine leggings, his black dress boots, a flowing, long-sleeved cobalt tunic and a knee-length black leather vest, Qui-Gon was the picture of refined decadence. I swallowed heavily, despairing that I had not been the one to inspire such a transformation in him and said, "You look very debonair, Master."

"Adi threatened to cut off my hair if I showed up in my Jedi tunics," Qui-Gon said with a chuckle. "And she wants to go to 'Ballare's' after our meal and this was the only thing I could find that was suitable."

I licked my lips and fought the urge to press him against the wall and ravish him as I managed a teasing comment. "Better take your lightsaber with you, Master. You may need it to fend off all the admirers you'll attract."

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow and a half-smile as he said wryly, "Not likely." His expression changed to one of mild suspicion as he added, "You have been very solicitous of me these past couple of days - cooking meals, stroking my ego. Are you in some kind of trouble that I have yet to be informed about, my Padawan?"

Not wanting to admit the real reason for my behavior as Qui-Gon was leaving for the evening, I fabricated a plausible answer. "It never hurts to have a few extra points held in reserve, my Master."

Qui-Gon tugged my braid with a fond smile and said, "True enough. Are you heading to the clubs with your entourage this evening, Obi-Wan?"

"Not really in the mood for all the glitter and noise," I said, not having to fabricate this reply. "So I think I'll just stay in, watch a couple of vids and head to bed early." Swallowing my resurging irritation that my plans had fallen apart, I added, "Enjoy your evening, Master."

He nodded his thanks and headed out the door and I waited until it had closed fully before collapsing on the couch in dismay. This newest fiasco brought my frustration back to the surface with a vengeance and my hand closed around the first thing it found, which was Qui-Gon favorite tea mug. It was flying across the room before I fully realized what I had done and only a last second application of the Force cushioned it enough to keep from shattering against the wall.

I walked over to retrieve the cup then began to pace. I was too on edge to meditate and I hoped the mindless movement would help me to work off my pent-up energy. By the time I had completed five circuits around the room, my mind had calmed enough to think and I began reflecting on my attempts to this point. I wasn't exactly a novice at intimate relationships and the individuals I had wooed had always commented on how romantic and considerate I was. Thoughtful gestures, courteous behavior and well-chosen gifts had always been enough to make my feelings perfectly clear and I was puzzled as to why those same methods had failed so miserably in this case.

I continued to pace as I contemplated my relationship with Qui-Gon. We had always been very considerate of one another, knowing instinctively when the other was tired, over-worked or glum, and finding some small way of alleviating that stress. That thought brought Qui-Gon's words as he left tonight back into the fore. From his comment, it seemed like he had interpreted my actions over the past two days, probably over the past three cycles, as the solicitous gestures of a devoted apprentice and not as the romantic tokens of a prospective lover. Since my subtle overtures had failed so horrendously, I would just have to find something so grandiose that he couldn't possibly mistake for anything but amorous intent.

Frustration purged and energy refocused, I headed into the kitchen to fix myself a light meal while I pondered. Qui-Gon was a man dedicated to Jedi life and as such allowed himself very few indulgences. His first was collecting ancient paper texts from various worlds but as I had gifted him with a couple of these over the years they would not produce the effect I was looking for. His other was rare art, the older and more obscure the better, and even though Jedi had few material possessions, Qui-Gon owned two such pieces and he displayed them in our common room with significant pride.

Grabbing my meal, I settled at the computer. Funds to purchase such a work of art were beyond the means of a Senior Padawan but an idea formed that I thought I just might be able to manage. I had seen something a few days ago on the holonews about a private exhibit of Arkania art and artifacts being held in the Arkania senator's Coruscant home. Goal in hand, I searched for any information I could find about the upcoming event. The Force seemed to have shifted back to my side as I found that the final day of the private showing was tomorrow. As I looked at the description of the display, I saw that some pieces being displayed dated back to the time of Master Arca Jeth and included some seldom displayed Jedi artifacts. With his interest in art, I knew that Qui-Gon would give anything to be able to view the exhibit. Add to that the exclusivity of the event and there was no way the Qui-Gon wouldn't realize the effort I would have put into this gift. The only thing left, would be finding just the right moment while we shared the exhibit to broach my feelings for him. Switching to the comm unit, I contacted everyone I knew who had ever said, 'if there is anything I can ever do for you, call me,' and called in favors until I had procured two invitations.

Task completed, I shut down the computer, cleaned up from late meal and headed out onto the balcony for some much-needed meditation. After an hour of releasing the remnants of my irritation over tonight's fiasco and centering on gathering my thoughts on the best way to approach Qui-Gon tomorrow, I surfaced from my meditation much calmer and more focused. Since I had no idea when Qui-Gon would return, I headed straight to my room for the good night's sleep I would need for tomorrow.

I rose early the next morning wanting to make sure I was up when the courier delivered the invitations. I again used the time to make a special breakfast and was glad I had finished my preparations and had received the two ornate admission chits by the time I heard Qui-Gon rise for the day.

I had filled his plate and was pouring tea into his mug when he came into the kitchen. "Good morning, Padawan. Looks like you've been busy," he said around a yawn.

"I woke up early and thought we could share a leisurely first-meal," I replied as I filled a plate for myself and sat down. "Your rest period has been filled with meetings and committees so I wanted your only free day to start right."

"To my dismay, it looks like a free day will elude me again today," Qui-Gon declared after a couple bites from his plate. "Chancellor Valorum's aide commed me during dinner and he set another meeting for later this morning. Hopefully, we will be able to get the remaining details ironed out today."

"Today?" I asked after nearly choking on my tea. "But today is Firstday and meetings are never scheduled on Firstday."

"Planetary crises don't pay much attention to what day it is, Padawan," Qui-Gon scolded.

"Isn't there any way you can reschedule, Master?" I asked, my frustration again leaking into my voice.

I'll never know whether it was his lack of sleep these past two nights, his own annoyance at having his rest day superceded or my own less than polite tone of voice but Qui-Gon turned and glared at me. "Why would I need to reschedule?"

"I've barely seen you all rest period," I complained, not wanting to reveal my surprise just yet.

"You're not a child just out of the crèche, Obi-Wan," he retorted acerbically. "I'm sure you can find ample things to fill your time while I'm at the meeting."

That caustic comment added to cycles of repeated disappointment shredded what remained of my tightly held control. Picking up the admission chit, I tossed it into the middle of his plate. "Well, I thought we could spend some time together during our rest period but it seems you would rather do anything but spend time with me."

"Where would you ever come up with an idea like that?" Qui-Gon asked, his annoyance evident in his voice. "You know that I enjoy your company."

"Yeah, when you have nothing better to do," I retorted, my common sense suddenly vanishing under the pain of my perceived rejection.

"I wouldn't consider doing my duty as having nothing better to do," he growled, angrily pushing back from the table.

Tempers really began to fly at this point as I rose to my feet and stared intently at him. "No, but it is common courtesy to keep your partner apprised of your schedule. If you had told me about your _meeting,_ I wouldn't have spent three hours of my precious rest time calling in every favor I've ever earned to finagle invitations to the private Arkanian art exhibit."

"No one asked you to do that," Qui-Gon snarled, his eyes flashing and his hands clenching into fists.

I stalked over to where Qui-Gon stood, placed a hand on each shoulder and yelled. "I was trying to surprise you with a gift of something you would truly enjoy, so that I could approach you about" I drew in a ragged breath then pulled him to me for a hard kiss before pushing him angrily away. "I thought we might be able to take our relationship further but now I am beginning to wonder how much of a master/padawan relationship we have to expand upon."

I knew the minute the words came out of my mouth that I had made a major mistake but my hurt pride kept me from dropping to my knees and begging for his forgiveness.

The flash of hurt in those searing blue eyes was quickly buried as Qui-Gon just stared at me. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he spoke very, very softly. "If you truly believe that, there is more amiss in our relationship than a lack of communication on our schedules." He picked up the chit, studied it intently for a moment and then placed it into my hand. "I'm sorry that my responsibilities have interfered with your plans," he added, his icy tone in direct opposition to his apologetic words. "I would suggest you spend some time in meditation after the exhibit. Begin with reflecting on my place in your life and your place in mine and we will discuss the results of your reflection when I return."

"Master, wait," I called, finally drawn from my paralysis by the sight of him retreating into his bedroom.

He held up his hand as he turned around. "Neither of us is in the proper state of mind to be having a conversation of such import." Qui-Gon eyes narrowed and his voice got a little rougher. "Even with your current uncertainty concerning our partnership, I expect you to abide by my wishes in this, Obi-Wan."

I couldn't think of anything to respond to that so I stood with my mouth gaping open as Qui-Gon disappeared into his bedroom. When the sound of the shower starting seeped through the closed door, I forced myself to returned to the table and clear up the remnants of our half eaten first-meal. I completed the motions absently, so deep in thought I was barely aware of where I was and what I was doing. Seeing the second admission chit on the table, I added it to the one I still held in my palm and stared at the pair. How had things gone so wrong? I had only been trying to do something nice for Qui-Gon, something to show him how much I cared for him and how much more we could become.

But in my temper and petulance I had said something hurtful, something I truly didn't mean. By verbalizing doubt in the core of our relationship as master and apprentice, I had damaged the bond of trust between us and now I would have to find some way to repair the damage my imprudence had caused.

When he emerged from his bedroom, I had assumed a supplicant's position blocking the outer door and when the tips of his boots came into view, I asked, "Master, may I speak?"

"Be brief, Padawan," he said replied curtly.

Relieved that I hadn't been denied outright, I said, "I know I have much to contemplate and atone for and I will follow your directive and spend time meditating on my recent behavior." I held out the invitation chit and looked up to meet his gaze. "The exhibit is open until 2000 hours. If your meeting ends early enough you could still attend the showing. The listing of works was rather impressive and I'm sure you'd find great pleasure in seeing it."

He looked down at me sternly for a long moment, his emotions still very much in flux and I thought he would deny me even this. "Please, Master," I pleaded. "It would mean a great deal to me to give you the opportunity to attend this rare event."

Although his expression was still dour, Qui-Gon reached down and took the chit with a terse, "As you wish, Padawan," before stepping over my bent legs and heading out the door.

I rose from my feet and began pacing again, the magnitude of my dim-witted actions threatening to overwhelm me. "Kenobi, you're such an idiot," I berated myself aloud. "Think how much easier life would be if you engaged the brain the makers gave you before running off at the mouth."

I paced around for a few more minutes, muttering all sorts of self-curses before heading into my bedroom and collapsing on the bed. I was too worked up to meditate, so I just stared at the ceiling and attempted to regain some semblance of self-control. When I had finally managed to clear my mind of the emotions swirling through it, I pulled out the river stone Qui-Gon gave me for my thirteenth name day and placed it in my palm beside the remaining admission chit.

I closed my eyes and focused on that early time in our relationship. I was so insecure back then, both in my own worth and in whether Qui-Gon truly wanted me as his apprentice or had just taken me out of pity. Slowly, over the years, my point of view had changed. I worked hard in all my studies and honed my skills so that I could feel competent serving as a partner to Qui-Gon. As I achieved the rank of Senior Padawan, I was given more responsibilities and I was confident that I was actually contributing to the Order. By the same token, although not as demonstrative as I would have liked, Qui-Gon has shown me in all the ways that mattered that I was important to him. Vigils at my bedside during illnesses or injuries, special meals, free time to spend with my friends, tiny thoughtful gestures, all showed that I was more than a task to him and that he wanted me in his life.

And since I was very secure in that knowledge intellectually, in retrospect my outburst confused me. Why had I reacted so vehemently to this perceived rejection? Trained from infancy not to react from the heat of emotion, why had I allowed my heart to overwhelm my head? I chased that thought around in my head for a few minutes and finally realized that my unusual reaction was due more to my fears of how my attentions would be received than my frustration over my thwarted plans.

Opening my eyes, I looked at the river stone and admission chit resting together and one of Qui-Gon's most oft repeated koans echoed in my mind. ' _Your focus determines your reality, Padawan.'_ It seems I had created a self-fulfilling prophecy as a result of my fears and now I just needed to find a way to repair the damage I had caused.

Tucking the river stone and the chit into my belt pouch, I rose from the bed feeling a new sense of resolve. I spent some time completing the mundane chores that were always part of my day, the routine allowing me to free up my mind to think more on the morning's events. I went through the containers from the meal I had planned two nights before, salvaging what I could and preparing items to replace what I couldn't, in hopes of offering the meal as a morsel of atonement when Qui-Gon returned this evening.

All chores completed, I headed to the water gardens and settled in for my promised meditation. As I had during my contemplations on my bed earlier, I pulled out my river stone and the admission chit, using them as a focus. Letting the Force fill me, I cleared my mind of everything except my relationship with Qui-Gon. As I had my entire life, I opened myself to the eddies of the Force, hoping beyond hope that it would show me the path to making reparations.

I surfaced from this meditation calmer and more settled than I had been since I first embarked on this plan of deepening my relationship with Qui-Gon. I had managed to purge my guilt and decided to trust my instincts to show me the way to make amends to my Master for my immature behavior. Tucking the river stone back in my belt pouch, I held on to the admission chit as I rose from my knees and headed out of the gardens.

It was a short walk to the Temple entrance and, after only a few minutes wait, I boarded the public transport that would take me to Calocour Heights. I settled into a single seat in the back, watching through the transparisteel as the Temple and the senate buildings disappeared from view. When I disembarked at the transit stop, I crossed onto an elevated walkway and began the fifteen-minute walk to the Arkanian senator's residence. The prestigious district housed a number of private residences for various planetary representatives and opulence abounded in the wealthy surroundings.

Approaching the gate of the Arkanian compound, it was difficult not to feel awed by the magnificent estate. Although hundreds of meters from the surface, the buildings were surrounded by beautiful hanging gardens filled with exotic plants. Moving onto a side walkway, I made my way to the security checkpoint and handed my admission chit to the uniformed security attendant. After giving me an appraising look, he exchanged my chit for a datapad describing the exhibit and I walked slowly into the first garden.

Flipping through the screens on the datapad, I saw that a number of large sculptures were on display in the gardens so I decided to start my viewing there. As I followed the path detailed on the screen, I came to the first sculpture and stopped short. Nestled in the center of a grove of maliani bushes was a larger than life marble statue of an adolescent boy and a middle-aged man. The older man was depicted holding a bound book in his large hands, his expression one of amused patience as he read to the boy kneeling enraptured at his feet. It was obvious that the pair were teacher and student and I referred to my datapad for the full description of the artwork. 'Daily Lessons' was the title of the piece and memories of learning at Qui-Gon's feet filled my mind.

Along the edges of the grove, four smaller sculptures were arranged in a semi-circle around the large piece. Each depicted a scene that could have come from any and all padawans' lives. The first showed a pair in meditation, the next a pair performing a kata and the third a pair sparring. The last one showed the teacher standing behind the boy, adjusting the student's arm position as he practiced, and again I was filled with memories of Qui-Gon's firm but supportive touch as I mastered the basic forms. I studied the group of sculptures for a long time, opening myself to the Force as I contemplated the implication of coming upon this particular group first. 'There is no such thing as coincidence, only the Will of the Force' Qui-Gon had counseled me repeatedly and I was going to take this as a sign that things would work out between us.

I headed further down the path, taking the time to look my fill at each work of art before moving on to the next one. I moved from the gardens into the main building of the senator's residence, studying the smaller pieces displayed within the main function room. Paintings, books and smaller sculptures were arranged on stands, walls and polished wooden tables. The works spanned thousands of years of Arkanian history and culture and Jedi art and folklore had been a substantial part of that world's culture. Many items were representative of the aggregate Arkanian society but there were items from the times of the Ancient Sith and others from the times of Master Arca Jeth and the Arkanians who studied there. A few of the Sith artworks even exuded faint echoes of Darkness but their taint was easily overshone by Light embodied in the other works displayed throughout the exhibit.

Set in a glass display case in the center of the large room was the centerpoint piece of the Jedi portion of the exhibit, a small pyramid that reflected the light and drew me to it like a moth to a flame. I recognized it immediately from my studies of the history texts as an ancient Jedi holocron, used by the earliest masters to store information for the ages. While its main function was to protect the holocron from damage or theft, the glass case would also prevent the contact needed to activate it. Held in the hand of a Jedi, the pyramid would project a holographic image of its creator and impart tenets of wisdom. The plaque in front of the case marked it as belonging to Master Arca Jeth himself and was engraved with the Arkanian Jedi's most often taught tenet. 'Seek balance, Jedi. Only in balance will you avert tragedy, and only with balance will you truly succeed.'

As I read the words on the plaque, the Force swirled around me. Suddenly, the exhibition room vanished and I was kneeling on a metal floor, Qui-Gon's head nestled in my lap. Feelings of fear and grief swamped me as Qui-Gon dragged his fingertips over my cheek. 'Will bring balance' fell from his lips before time resumed and the exhibit room once again came into view.

Fighting the wave of vertigo that accompanied my return to the present, I blinked rapidly and took a few deep breaths as I scanned the room to see of anyone had noticed my reactions. Relieved that none of the other patrons were paying any attention to me, I stared at the display case, reading the words again in the hopes that the Force would expound on its tiny revelation. They were permanently etched in my brain from numerous repetitions by the time I came to the conclusion that Force had shared all it was planning to, at least for the moment.

Reluctantly, I left the main room for the side chambers and took in the remaining displays. The array of Jedi books, training materials and artworks included among the exhibit was impressive, representing a variety of the teaching and training styles used by the ancient Masters. Though many of the items were intriguing, I was relieved that none of them affected me the way the holocron had.

The sun was much lower in the sky by the time I made my way back out to the sculpture garden.  
Much to my disappointment, there was still no sign of Qui-Gon but there were still a few hours left before the exhibit closed. I walked slowly through the group of statues again before settling to my knees in a small indentation by the last piece. I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing, trusting the Force to take my thoughts where they needed to go.

The sky was coloring with the first hints of dusk when wisps of a familiar presence drew me from my meditation. I opened my eyes to see Qui-Gon standing by the largest sculpture, face calm and serene as he looked down at me. "Master," I greeted, rising quickly to my feet and giving him a formal bow. "Did you just arrive?"

"No, I arrived about two hours ago," Qui-Gon replied and as if sensing my next question he continued, "You were meditating when I passed through here the first time, so I shuttered my presence and moved on without disturbing you." The fact that he felt that I was in dire need of said meditation remained unspoken as his eyes left my face and rested on each sculpture in turn. When he turned back to me, his eyes bore a shadow of sadness but the admonishment I expected never materialized. " These are remarkable," he said softly. As he looked back at the center sculpture, he added, "The artist truly captured the spirit of the master/padawan partnership."

I moved to stand beside him and gazed at the statue in question, struggling to speak around the lump in my throat. "Looking at these representations brought back so many memories for me. I envisioned all the times that you and I shared the experiences detailed in these sculptures, all the energy and fervor that you have devoted to my growth and training." I turned so that I could see his face. "I'm sorry about the way I acted this morning." Qui-Gon looked as if he was going to speak but I held my hand up to forestall him. "Let me finish, please. It seems that in my zeal for something more, I lost sight of the abundance I already had. My behavior this morning was abominable. I said a lot of things that I didn't mean, many that were extremely hurtful and out of line. I can only hope that you will be able to forgive me."

A heavy silence filled the air around us with my admission and it took all my willpower not to look away from Qui-Gon's face as I waited. His eyes were still shadowed in sorrow when he finally began to speak. "Although the heat of an argument can result in many things being distorted to the extreme, there is always some small kernel of truth imbedded in the words. That you felt compelled to make those statements at all concerns me greatly and is something that we will need to discuss in depth."

"I understand," I replied with a small bow. Nothing could suffice to excuse my behavior so I might as well just focus on whatever it would take to earn absolution. I started down the walkway to what I felt was my impending doom but stopped after a few meters when the footsteps I expected to hear behind me never materialized. This was worse than I had imagined. "Shall I go back to the Temple and await your return, my Master?"

"Not quite yet, Padawan," Qui-Gon replied. "As you said so ineloquently this morning, the opportunity to view an exhibit of this nature is a rare occurrence. I think the next hour would be better spent studying and discussing the items on display in the exhibition halls." My face must have revealed my surprise at this turn of events because the barest hint of a smile graced his lips as he added, "When have I ever allowed your lapses to interfere with your training?"

I was smart enough to realize it was a rhetorical question so I bit back my 'Never, Master' and settled instead for the expected reply as I returned to his side. "I present myself for instruction, my Master."

A slight nod was my only reply. I followed as Qui-Gon started down the path towards the exhibition rooms, staying the requisite two steps behind and to the right. When he stopped at the first display table, I moved to stand beside him and he shifted into full instructor mode. He concentrated mainly on the Jedi-related items and as we moved from one pertinent display to another, the questions came fast and furious. The discussion was both stimulating and reassuring and I immediately lost myself in the comfort of the familiar exchanges. Always asking my thoughts before sharing his own, I was pleased to find that in a number of cases, my knowledge and conclusions actually matched his. He expounded on the information provided on the displays in several instances and I came away from each display with a better understanding of the items exhibited.

Finally we reached the center of the room and the case holding Master Arca Jeth's Holocron. The memory of my earlier experience came back and I was unable to keep my trepidation from broadcasting over the bond. When my master's concerned blue eyes locked on mine, I asked, "Is it common for an individual to experience Force-visions without actually activating a holocron?"

"Not to my knowledge. And what a person would see when it has been activated are events from its creator's life that apply to whatever inquiry was made of it, not true visions," Qui-Gon explained. "Did you query it?"

"No. I was reading the inscription on the plaque affixed to the case when the room fell away," I answered. The feelings of fear and despair that I'd had during the original experience came flooding back and I struggled not to react visibly. "The image was so vivid, it was almost as if I was watching a scene being played out on a holodrama. I looking into some type of generator room, you were lying, apparently injured, on the floor and I was kneeling beside you. It wasn't a place I was familiar with so I can only assume it was a vision of the future."

"As you know, seeing along the eddies of time has never been one of my strengths but you should not put too much stock in these types of things," Qui-Gon said as he placed one of his hands on my shoulder. "The future is always in motion and an individual's state of mind can influence the way these glimpses of possibilities are revealed and interpreted. Our earlier disagreement may have shaped what you saw."

The familiar weight of the comforting hand dissipated some of my fear but I was unwilling to dismiss my vision completely. "It also could have been a true vision, the Force using my prescience to provide a warning of some future danger."

"That may well be but you cannot focus on future possibilities at the expense of the moment. Keep your attention on the here and now, my Padawan, and the future will take care of itself," Qui-Gon chided.

I wasn't convinced but now was neither the time nor place to challenge Qui-Gon's 'Live in the Moment' philosophy. "Have you ever had the opportunity to query a holocron?" I asked to bring the subject back to the item in front of us.

"Not personally, but when I was a padawan I had the opportunity to attend a demonstration of one," Qui-Gon said. "The holocron answered every question asked of it, not always in the way we expected, but it never offered up information without a specific query."

More the reason to believe that what I experienced was a true 'seeing' but I had the good sense not to utter that thought aloud. With a last look at the holocron, I followed Qui-Gon into the next exhibit room. We continued in our previous pattern until one of the senator's aides made her way to where we stood discussing an intricate carving.

"The exhibit is closing for the day, Ser Jedi," the middle-aged woman said as she approached. "Though I am certain that Senator Inyri would be more than happy to schedule a private tour for you, Master Jinn, if there are still parts of the exhibition that you have not had the opportunity to see."

I struggled to hide my surprise at the aide's personal greeting, standing silently as Qui-Gon replied, "I appreciate the Senator's consideration but I was able to view the entire exhibit. This was our second viewing of the more eclectic pieces." He spared a brief look my direction before continuing. "The opportunity to view such rare and ancient Jedi artifacts is something that many Jedi never get to experience. We are indebted to the Senator for taking the measures that enabled him to include these precious treasures in the exhibit."

"The cultures of Arkania and the Jedi have been intertwined for thousands of years and most Arkanians, including Senator Inyri, regard that connection as something that must be nurtured at any cost," the woman replied.

The tone of comfortable familiarity under the formal exchange only added to my confusion, as did Qui-Gon's next words. "My only regret is that the exhibit was not more readily accessible to the majority of the Temple. Viewing an exhibit of this caliber would be an incredible opportunity, especially for the students."

The woman's eyes widened for a brief moment but the shocked look disappeared so quickly that I thought I had imagined it. Her next words were both astounding and predictable. "It will be a ten before the artworks are shipped back to Arkania." Her eyes glinted conspiratorially as she added, "When I relay your request, I'm confident that Senator Inyri will agree to arrange a smaller private viewing and allow the Council to send those individuals who they feel would most benefit."

Qui-Gon nodded in agreement and said, "Thank you. I'll inform the Council that they should expect to hear from you." I followed his lead when he bowed respectfully and made his way to the entrance. The familiarity with which Qui-Gon spoke to Senator's aide had my curiosity piqued and not even my current precarious situation could keep me silent.

"Have you had the occasion to associate with Senator Inyri previously, Master?" I asked as we took our leave.

A chuckle accompanied Qui-Gon's reply. "You could say that."

When he continued to walk without further comment, I decided asking about it would probably give us a safe topic of conversation for the trip home. "And?"

"It was a few years before you became my apprentice," Qui-Gon explained. "I foiled an assassination attempt against him and served as his bodyguard for three tens until we could uncover the plot and all the perpetrators could be apprehended."

Details of Qui-Gon's three tens with Senator Inyri were extensive enough to fill our conversation during the walk to the transport station and on the ride home. By the time we walked up the main stairway leading into the Temple proper, it was well past last seating for late-meal in the dining hall. Since Qui-Gon would rather go hungry than settle for the food available in the all-hours snack area, it was a given that we'd be heading back to our quarters.

As we crossed through the door into the common room, I took Qui-Gon's cloak, hanging it along with mine on the hooks by the door. I decided to opt into the safety of our normal routine for the time being and offered, "Would you prefer a cup of tea or a glass of wine while waiting for late-meal?"

"Tea, please. It's been a long day," Qui-Gon replied, as he headed over to his desk and the computer terminal.

I fought the impulse to say 'And it's probably going to get longer' and headed into the kitchen. I started by putting the kettle on and then went to the cooling unit. By salvaging most of the items from the other night, I had assembled the fixings for a nice meal before leaving for the exhibit and it would be only a matter of a few minutes' work for me to get everything prepared.

I poured herbed cooking oil into the skillet and set it on the burner to preheat as I freshened the salad ingredients. When the kettle came to a boil, I added water to the teapot and set it on the warmer to steep. I gathered up dishes and utensils, added dressing to the salads, spooned the chilled rice mixture into a serving dish and arranged everything on the table. I took a moment to take Qui-Gon his tea and then tossed the seafood mixture into the heated pan.

Within five minutes, the main course was cooked and arranged on the serving platter and I was calling Qui-Gon to the table. As with the trip home, we kept the conversation to safe topics - the food, the exhibit and the Temple gossip. When we finished the main meal, I sent Qui-Gon off to the couch with his dessert and a fresh cup of tea while I cleaned up. The job was mindless enough and I used the time to calm my nerves and prepare for our imminent conversation. My normal wit and intellect seemed to be failing me and I could come up with nothing more eloquent than throwing myself to the floor and begging Qui-Gon's forgiveness.

I stalled as long as I could trying to come up with some viable explanation for this morning's outburst and, when I could not, I grabbed my own tea and dessert and headed into the common room like a Taanabian roba heading to the slaughterhouse. I placed my mug and bowl on the low table in front of the couch and went to my knees before Qui-Gon.

"If it pleases you, my Master, would now be an acceptable time to have the conversation you alluded to this morning?" As silence dragged out for long seconds, I fought the desire to bow into a supplicant's posture as I had this morning. I had almost lost the battle when Qui-Gon finally gave me a brief nod but any hope that he would start the discussion evaporated in the ensuing silence.

I took a deep breath and, struggling to keep the formal tone of a padawan atoning for wronging his master, dove forward. "First and foremost, I want you to know how sincerely sorry I am for the things I said to you this morning. I know there is no excuse for my deplorable behavior and so I will not even attempt to try to provide justification my petulance or my disrespectful words." I stopped for a moment to see if Qui-Gon had anything to add and when he didn't I continued. "I meditated on my reactions and overreactions as you instructed and I think I have come to recognize why I reacted as I did."

"Why?" Qui-Gon asked when I didn't continue and the emotion laced into that one word spoke volumes.

"Because I was afraid," I admitted.

"Afraid?" Qui-Gon parroted. "Of me?"

"No, Master. Not of you, never of you," I reassured, wanting to do something - anything - that would wipe the pained look from Qui-Gon's eyes. "I was afraid of how my interest would be received, afraid of being turned away, of being told that I was not good enough for you." I took another breath and added, "I have been trying to sense whether you would be amenable to my advances for quite some time but " I let the sentence trail off, not sure I wanted to admit aloud that I most of the time I had no clue as to what Qui-Gon was thinking or feeling.

He must have been able to read between the lines because a hint of a smile teased at the corners of Qui-Gon's lips as he replied, "Well, I am a Jedi Master, so I am more than capable of keeping my thoughts and feelings shielded, even from my apprentice."

Emboldened by the fact that the conversation was going better than I expected, I continued down the path. "I have made numerous romantic overtures to you over the past three cycles without even the slightest indication that you realized my intent. Although I'm not an expert in intimate relationships, my previous attempts at seduction at least had been recognized," I added with a self-deprecating chuckle.

The smile formed a little more as Qui-Gon answered, "You can rest assured that your romantic overtures were indeed recognized."

It took a moment for his words to sink in and, when they did, all I felt was confused. "I don't understand. I've never known you to shy away from a difficult situation so, if you weren't interested, why didn't you just turn me away?"

A look that I had long ago categorized as fond exasperation blossomed on Qui-Gon's face as he replied, "You just answered your own question, Obi-Wan."

Qui-Gon's non-answer did nothing to clear up my immediate confusion but after a few moments I understood. "You're saying you would consider an intimate relationship with me?" I didn't even give him a chance to answer before continuing. "You admit to having recognized at least some of my attempts at seduction so why have you completely ignored every advance I've made?"

"Again, if you think about it for a moment, you will be able to answer your own question, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon repeated.

Even with the memory of this morning's disaster, I just barely held back a snide 'can we stop with the answer a question with a question already'. I took a calming breath and gave him the answer he wanted to hear. "I can only assume that you felt you were listening to the Force." Another deep breath and I added the 'but' that would probably wipe the small smile from Qui-Gon's lips. "But why? If you did recognize my advances and have some inclination towards accepting what I'm proposing between us, why would you feel that you couldn't openly admit and acknowledge that interest and attraction?"

As expected the smile faded, replaced by a look of sad exasperation. "For fear of exactly what happened this morning - of being put into a situation where one or both of our personal desires would come into conflict with our duty." Wrapping my braid around his fingers, Qui-Gon declared ardently, "We are Jedi first. Nothing can be allowed to take precedence over our commitment to the Order and to each other as Master and Apprentice, not even love."

My planned retort evaporated with the speed of morning haze under the Tatooine sun at his last word. I forced my jaw back into its proper position and whispered, "You love me?"

The sadness in his eyes deepened with my question. I was torn between wanting to call back the words or kiss away the sorrow but in the end I remained silent, waiting for the response that I knew would come. Almost two minutes passed before it did.

"The fact that you even have to ask that question tells me that my decision was the right one," Qui-Gon replied. "That your fixation with augmenting our current relationship with a sexual one has caused you to doubt my commitment to you tells me without a doubt that you are not ready to take this step."

Again I had to fight the urge to toss back a flippant response and instead chose my words very carefully. "As I said before, I realize that my behavior this morning was inexcusable but I can honestly say if you had been candid with me, it would never have happened."

That brought the characteristic crease of annoyance to Qui-Gon's brow as he ordered, "Explain how you think that would have altered anything?"

"Even the slightest hint that you were aware of my intent or realized my feelings but were not prepared to act on them at this time, would have prevented three cycles of frustration from building," I replied.

"Did you truly believe I was unaware of your feelings, that I had not recognized the instant your lustful infatuation for me began to blossom into true feelings of love?" Qui-Gon asked.

The fact that he answered my comment with a question was standard for him but the content of his question stunned me and I was mortified to feel my cheeks heat. It took me a moment to regain my composure and reply. "I thought I had been successful in shielding my feelings from you, especially since you never gave me even the slightest clue that you were aware of my affection, even amid the lust of my youthful infatuation."

The smile I was coming to resent returned. "No one has shielding that strong, Obi-Wan, especially a sixteen year old, hormone-driven male." The smile faded as quickly as it had appeared as he continued, "Lust began to change to love when you were twenty and one and I suffered that head injury during our mission to Ammuud. Though I'm not certain that you realized it at the time."

I thought back to that mission and my terror as I fought to keep Qui-Gon stable as we made our way back to the Glayyd Stronghold's medical facility. The hours I had spent waiting for word of his condition outside the surgical amphitheater had provided me with ample time for meditation on many things. When I was finally allowed at his bedside, the yearning that had washed through me each time I looked upon him for the last five years was nowhere to be found. Reliving the memory, the depth of the love I had felt for him at that moment permeated my heart and lust was not even a component of that feeling.

I was feeling more than a little dense when I replied. "Once again, you prove that you know me better than I know myself. But two years have passed since Ammuud and I am well past the age of majority. If you know in your heart that my feelings for you are true and you share the same feelings, why continue this charade of naiveté towards my obvious advances?"

"Because for all that you are an adult, you have not yet achieved the maturity and acumen to balance the complexities of our professional relationship with a more personal one. Your behavior this morning proves that," Qui-Gon replied, his regret evident as he spoke the words. "I am your master and I take the oaths I made as such very seriously. For me to accede to an intimate relationship with you out of my own desires when I feel it would be detrimental to you would be a betrayal of the worst kind."

I looked into the expressive blue eyes, finally recognizing the depth of the love that they had always contained for me. I fought the desire to abase myself at his feet and beg forgiveness. Those words confirmed what I already knew in my heart and head. If I ever hoped for an intimate relationship with Qui-Gon after this fiasco, I would need to dispel his concerns with logical and well-thought-out reasoning, with actions undertaken with maturity and good judgment and not with emotion. "I have fought as your partner, defending the Republic, the rights of sentient beings and in many cases their lives and yours for many years now. If I am sufficiently mature to handle those responsibilities, why do you feel I am unable to handle this?"

"Partially because of that partnership," Qui-Gon answered. "We have basically lived in each other's pockets for the last ten years, sharing all manner of joys and traumas."

"I see our time together as a benefit to deepening our relationship, not as a detriment."

"It is both. You may now be a grown man, but when you first won my heart you were still a boy and part of me will always see that boy in you," Qui-Gon countered. "I thought we had moved past the doubts and insecurities of our early days but it seems that those doubts are still lingering and that concerns me greatly."

There are reasons that we are cautioned against speaking out of emotion and anger but none had ever rung as clearly as the consequences I was now suffering due to my anger-fueled words this morning. I fought the desire to bury my face in my hands and continued to meet Qui-Gon's gaze. "I spoke out of turn, lashing out with words that were born of frustration and anger, rather than speaking what was truly in my heart. I do not doubt our partnership, my Master. You have dedicated your life to me, taught me, protected me, loved me and placed my needs before your own every day that we have been together."

"Once words are spoken they cannot be unspoken, my Padawan."

Part of me wanted to scream and to throw things at the unfairness I felt at that absolute but I managed to retain my calm and ask, "So how do we move forward from here?"

"As we always have, my Padawan. Together," Qui-Gon said but before he could expound on that vague statement his commlink chirped. "Jinn," he identified as he opened the connection.

Mace Windu's voice came over the speaker. "Qui-Gon, I just got a call from Chancellor Valorum. The situation on Belsavis has become critical and he would like you to handle negotiations with the rebel leaders personally. There will be a transport waiting for you in the main Temple hangar in two hours. His office is transmitting a download with all the pertinent data as we speak and I will have it relayed to the ship."

"Thank you, Mace," Qui-Gon replied. "Inform the Chancellor that I will do all within my power to see that the situation is resolved peacefully."

"I'm certain that is understood. May the Force be with you," Mace added before breaking the connection.

Qui-Gon clipped his commlink back to belt but I pressed him back into his seat when he tried to rise. "Please, Master, I know that we don't have much time but I think it's important that we get this resolved between us." I could almost guess what his next words would be so I rushed on. "I need to know how to atone for this morning, how to convince you that I did not truly mean the things I said. I need to know how to reconcile the fact that although we have both admitted that we love the other, you are not willing for us to take the next step and become lovers? I need to know if this is a provisional decision, one that could be reversed at some point in the future, or if I am doomed to live out my days loving you but unable to demonstrate the physical expression of that love?" I gulped in a deep breath when I stopped and waited for the words that would either shatter or swaddle my heart.

"Time, my padawan, is the answer all your questions. Time will allow us to move forward, will allow the memory of this morning's comments of doubt to fade, will allow me to judge when and if you will be ready to handle the responsibility inherent in the step you wish to take." Qui-Gon's expression softened a bit as he continued, "Just believe this if you believe nothing else, Obi-Wan. I have loved you and will love you in all ways for as long as the Force allows. Whether or not we become intimate will not affect my feelings in that regard. If your love for me is genuine, the same should hold true for you."

I struggled to match his demeanor as I looked up into Qui-Gon's serene blue eyes. His reply only added to the turmoil building in my mind and heart. While his admission of love made my heart swell with elation, my heart fractured at his conviction that our love would not necessarily lead to intimacy between us. I loved him and would continue to love him until I drew my last breath, of that I had no doubt. But I also longed for him and desired him with a ferocity that took my breath away. The thought of never being able to share the intimacy of my body with him filled me with despair.

I steeled my resolve to accept whatever reply I received as I sought the correct words to ask one additional question. "I will hold and nurture the feelings you have for me, drawing strength from the knowledge as I strive to prove myself worthy of your love. But I hope for your indulgence as I request one last reassurance." The slight nod of his head was my permission and I asked. "The yearning I feel when I am with you is almost a tangible thing and it has taken all of the strength of will you have taught me to refrain from acting on it. Do you not feel anything of that draw, anything of that desire to join together in every way possible?"

"Although my love would continue even if we never became intimate, that should in no way imply that I would not embrace such intimacy," Qui-Gon replied. "Be assured that you are desired in all ways and I hope for a day when we can share those desires." He thinned his shields a bit, allowing a tinge of his feelings to color the bond to supplement his words.

My breath hitched as his love warmed me, washing away any doubts that lingered within me. I copied his gesture, allowing the depth and weight of my love and desire to travel freely over the bond for the first time since I had recognized them. The connection between us strummed with energy and I immersed myself in it for a long moment before deciding to take one more risk.

"Would you allow me another indulgence, my Master?" When he nodded, I leaned forward until I could feel his breath upon my face. "I pledge to do whatever it takes to be worthy of your love and trust," I whispered before pressing my lips against his. I kept the kiss chaste, allowing the bond to help convey my love without delving into forbidden intimacy. When I pulled back, I rose to my feet. "Upon my Oaths to you and the Order, I promise to abide by your judgment in all matters relating to intimacy between us."

"I appreciate the reassurance of your pledge though I honestly expected nothing less from you, Padawan," Qui-Gon replied as he rose from the couch. "You have always attended to any concerns I've brought forward with no less than your full dedication and I am confident you will attend to this in the same manner." He reached out, running his thumb and forefinger slowly down the length of my braid as he looked at me. "We will speak of this again, have no doubt, but for now we must shift our full attention to the duty before us."

I answered in the only acceptable manner. "Yes, Master." As the connection between us began to fade back to its normal level, I latched onto the memory of the feelings Qui-Gon had shared with me, wrapping them carefully in my mind to be studied later before shifting my focus to the task at hand. "I restocked our kits when we came back from Kothlis so it will only be a matter of a few minutes to add the clothing and additional items we'll need."

"I need to organize my notes and research for the Belsavis situation and make a few calls before we depart," Qui-Gon said. "I don't expect this to be a quick mission, Obi-Wan. Can you also handle checking us out of the Temple system and contacting the teachers for your upcoming classes to get the lesson plans for a least the next two tens?"

"Yes, Master," I replied again and then went off to handle my assigned duties.

  


* * *

Two tens turned into eight, and injured and exhausted was too weak a phrase to describe our physical state when Qui-Gon and I returned to Coruscant. The mission was a nightmare, with hour upon hour of negotiation between parties who refused to even consider the opposition's point of view, held in facilities smack in the middle of a war zone. The meeting sites were moved daily and even that precaution wasn't enough to prevent attacks against the negotiating sites. We had both suffered minor injuries a number of times during the mission, the most serious for me occurring while I was digging the children of one of the rebel leaders out of the basement of a bombed-out building.

Concentrating all my attention on using the Force to move a large piece of duracrete blocking the doorway, I never noticed the metal support that shifted along with it until it had pierced my upper thigh. By the time I was able to divert any attention to the piece of twisted metal, it had sliced a groove into my flesh that was four centimeters deep and almost twenty centimeters long. It was hours before I could give the injury any more attention than tying my sash around my thigh to stem the bleeding and even longer before I could properly clean the wound.

The near tragedy with his children had caused the rebel leader to rethink his options and the negotiations had finally begun to move forward. It had taken forty hours of non-stop negotiating for Qui-Gon to hammer out a cease-fire acceptable to all parties so by the time we headed back to our ship for some much needed rest the delay in treating the injury had allowed infection to set in. The limited medical supplies available to us had been enough to keep it from going septic but by the time our ship landed in the Temple bay, the fever and aches that had grown as the infection spread into my bloodstream had me feeling like I had been run over by a speeder.

Qui-Gon had settled me into Healer's Hall as soon as we landed but when Master Gal'ynd had reassured him that I would recover fully, he had begrudgingly left to present our report to the Council. When he returned four hours later, I was resting not very comfortably on one of the two med-beds in the semi-private room. My wound had been cleaned, covered with a layer of synthskin and wrapped in a bacta dressing and a dosage of strong antibiotics was being delivered into my bloodstream intravenously.

"Come to parole me from my prison, Master?" I joked as he came through the doorway.

Master Gal'ynd followed Qui-Gon through the door and replied before my master could. "No, he has come to join you in your incarceration, Padawan." The Lorrdian Master pointed Qui-Gon towards the other bed but, as always, my Master did not give in easily.

"I'm fine, Master Gal'ynd, merely a few cuts and scrapes. Just give me some bacta cream and I can take care of them when I get back to our quarters."

"I'll be the judge of what treatment you need, Master Jinn," the healer shot back. "Now strip, so I can get back to the patients who appreciate my efforts."

The Healer must have caught the look that passed between us because he added, "I'm sure this won't be the first time your apprentice has seen you naked, now get on with it."

Master Gal'ynd was correct that I had seen Qui-Gon naked on more occasions than I could count but none of those had occurred in a moment like this when there weren't a hundred other things vying for my attention. I smiled at Qui-Gon as he tossed aside his robe, with all intentions of closing my eyes to allow him some privacy as he disrobed further. But when the first hints of skin were revealed I found my good intentions vanishing as quickly as they had formed.

The lights in the medical wing were stark and overbright, but even the harsh glare could not take away from the splendid sight. The muscular arms and shoulders, broad chest and back, with their extensive expanse of golden skin sent my mind racing in a direction it had not taken in eight long tens. My body's reaction was immediate and I was thankful that I had been allowed to keep on my smallclothes and that my lower body was covered by a layer of bedding.

I recovered my good sense and turned away as Qui-Gon started to push down his leggings. Master Gal'ynd had unknowingly created a test more difficult than anything I had faced since my talk with Qui-Gon. I fought the desire to look back as I heard the leggings being tossed aside and almost immediately felt a wave of relief and approval wash over our bond. I relished that tiny nod of endorsement as I laid back and closed my eyes. I actually managed to release most of my arousal to the Force as I concentrated my Force sense on Qui-Gon's physical state.

Qui-Gon had been truthful regarding the nature of his injuries but a couple of those cuts were deep and long enough to require synth strips to close the gashes. Swirls of pain colored the Force around him as the healer pressed and probed the bruises on his hip and back but in the end those were left to heal of their own accord. I finally opened my eyes to look back at him when I heard the rustle of cloth and Master Gal'ynd walked over to my bedside.

After verifying that the intravenous pouch was empty, he pulled the needle gently from my arm and pressed a synth patch to the site before turning to address Qui-Gon. "You may take your apprentice back to your quarters but he is on full restrictions for the next sixty hours, only allowed on that leg for trips to the refresher. The bacta bandage must be changed every eight hours along with an oral antibiotic that he must continue taking for a ten. I will have a supply of both prepared to take with you. I will see him back here on Thirday at 0930 or before if you notice any additional reddening of the area or he starts to feel increased pain."

When Qui-Gon nodded his acknowledgement Master Gal'ynd turned back to me. "This was a serious injury, Padawan Kenobi, made more serious by your neglect of it in the early stages."

Before he could continue, Qui-Gon interrupted. "The delay in treating Obi-Wan's injury was due to the circumstances of our mission, not through any deficiency on his part."

The healer snorted in reply. "Damn little good you would do for the people you were sent to help if you were dying from septicemia. Regardless, I want you to practice your Force healing techniques on your Master's bruises. Hopefully the extra practice will increase your skill to a level that will allow you to tend to an injury even within the confines of a mission."

"Yes, Master," I replied, both looking forward to and dreading the close contact that sessions of Force healing would require. "How long do you expect it'll take before I'm cleared for the mission roster?"

"Two tens for non-combat missions and at least a cycle before you will be recovered enough to handle another volatile situation like Belsavis," Master Gal'ynd replied.

"That long?" I asked, guilt rising that my ineptitude would keep us from being sent where we were most needed.

"The metal damaged a segment of your quadriceps and it will take time and therapy get your leg back to full strength and mobility," the healer explained. "Incomplete or improper treatment of this type of injury could leave you with a chronic weakness."

"Obi-Wan will follow the assigned regimen to the letter to insure his complete recovery," Qui-Gon assured before I could even reply.

"Yes, Master," I said, replying to both in the only acceptable manner.

"I'll send in an aide to help you dress, Padawan Kenobi, while I gather the supplies you'll need," the healer said. Qui-Gon declined the offer saying, "I can handle that, Master Gal'ynd." Qui-Gon had redressed during the conversation about my condition and, when the healer nodded, he moved to the side of the bed.

I shifted to sit up as he pulled back the sheet covering me. As his arms wrapped around my waist to help me, I was almost grateful for the flash of pain that washed through me. Parts of my body wanted to react to even the platonic touches of those hands as he helped me dress and the pain was the only thing that was keeping that from happening.

Sensing the additional pain each movement caused, Qui-Gon settled for getting me into my leggings and inner tunic and created a pile with the rest of my stuff. Master Gal'ynd returned a few moments later, followed by an aide pushing a hoverchair and carrying a bag of supplies.

"You can return the chair when you bring Obi-Wan for his appointment on Thirday," the healer announced as he and the aide moved to my bedside. They used the Force along with physical strength to move me while keeping my leg immobile and within a few seconds I was settled securely into the hoverchair. Qui-Gon clipped my saber beside his on his belt and then placed the rest of my clothing in the bag with the supplies.

After a last admonition from Master Gal'ynd to stay off my leg, Qui-Gon directed the hoverchair out of the room and down the hallway. Even though a hoverchair is meant to transport a patient without too much jostling, some movement is inevitable. Any thought I had of holding a conversation with Qui-Gon as we made our way back to our quarters fled when I had to use all of my concentration and the Force to keep my leg immobile.

Qui-Gon must have sensed my difficulty because he deflected any of the concerned passersby who stopped us as we moved through the hallways and we arrived back in our quarters relatively quickly. He started to direct the chair into my bedroom but I stopped him with a plea.

"Could I just settle on the couch for now? It's only mid day and I'd rather not be cooped up in there by myself."

"Certainly," he replied as he pushed the chair to the couch. I kept the Force wrapped around my leg as he accessed it to lift and resettle me. A couple of pillows were wedged behind me and another was placed gently under my injured leg. "Can I get you anything?" he asked as he moved the chair into the corner.

"Have our things been delivered from the ship?" When he nodded, I asked, "If you could get my datapads from my duffle, please? I might as well make use of my enforced sabbatical to get caught up on my coursework."

Qui-Gon rummaged through the bag sitting just inside the door and in a matter of seconds I had the requisite datapads in my hands. "Would you like tea or something to eat, Obi-Wan?"

"Tea would be nice," I replied, trying to release the guilt I was feeling at my Master waiting on me. It seems I was less than successful at shielding that guilt.

"We'll have none of that, Padawan," he scolded, though his eyes held a glint of a smile. "I'm just thankful to have you here to wait on rather than ensconced in a bacta tank or worse."

I met his slight smile with a broader one of my own. "Well, I guess since you put it that way. Are there any crisps or cookies in the cupboard to have with our tea?"

His smile turned into a chuckle as he headed into the kitchen. "And the Council thinks that you're such a respectful and deferential padawan."

Qui-Gon brought the tea and crisps in a few minutes later and settled into his conforming chair with his own datapads. "I am proud of the way you handled yourself during the mission to Belsavis, Obi-Wan. It was a untenable situation from the first and you not only managed to rescue those children but the rescue ended up being the catalyst for peace."

"Thank you, my Master, but I was only doing my duty," I replied, a little surprised by the overt praise.

"As you always do, my Padawan," Qui-Gon replied, his eyes locking with mine. "You exhibited a level of maturity these past tens that few people your age could duplicate. Part of me thinks that you could have resolved this mission on your own."

"Not likely," I chuckled and the movement sent a fresh wave of pain through my leg. I tried not to put too much stock in his choice of words and when I regained my ability to speak I added, "Though I am honored by your faith in my abilities."

"That faith is well earned and well deserved," Qui-Gon replied. "I foresee you will be a great Jedi Knight, Obi-Wan."

The serious tone of the conversation had me waiting for the other boot to drop. 'Always precede critical comments with words of praise' was a motto Qui-Gon had held dear since my first days as his padawan. When the expected critique did not materialize, I added it for him. "As long as I can stay away from falling durasteel."

Another chuckle escaped from my oh so serious master. "Yes, I would prefer to have you in one piece on the day I cut your braid."

The conversation ended at that point as we both turned our attention to our datapads. Qui-Gon was writing the official mission report for Belsavis so every once in a while he would ask for my input on a specific point. I reviewed my lesson plans and composed notes to all four of my instructors, explaining that I was back in Temple but that my injury would prevent me from attending classes for at least a few more days.

By the end of the afternoon, I had managed to work out a plan for getting caught up on my classwork and Qui-Gon had finished the first draft of his report. Handing me his datapad, Qui-Gon asked, "Could you read through this for accuracy and content while I throw together something for late-meal?"

"Certainly, Master." It was normal procedure for us to look over each other's reports, especially for long duration missions. I created a duplicate copy of the file, formatting it to allow notations in the margins and got to work. At some point cold tea was replaced with freshly brewed hot tea and I reached for it without thought. Memories of the mission's events replayed in my mind and I added comments where they were warranted. It seemed that most of my additions were about events that Qui-Gon had not experienced firsthand, where he had only the information I had shared with him to draw upon. I was about halfway through the file when it was pulled gently from my hands and tossed onto Qui-Gon's chair.

"That's enough work for now." A plate of meat pies and fried tubers was held out to me. "Food and then there are healer's instructions to comply with."

We discussed the mission report and Temple gossip while we shared our meal and time passed way too quickly. It was odd for Qui-Gon to be cleaning up alone as this was normally either my chore or a duty we shared. But since I was relegated to my chair, I had to settle for keeping him company and handing him things.

Kitchen cleanup complete, Qui-Gon helped me to the refresher, where I took care of some basic needs and cleaned up as best I could without being able to shower. I was clad only in my smallclothes when Qui-Gon settled me on his bed so that he could take his turn in the refresher. I felt a twinge of jealousy as I heard the shower start but released it since it would be at least Thirday before I would be afforded that luxury.

Qui-Gon exited the refresher with a towel wrapped around his hips and his wet hair sending water droplets down his back and chest and the sight was enough to send a surge of arousal through me in spite of my pain. As I had been doing since our talk five tens ago, I acknowledged it and then released it to the Force to focus on the moment at hand. The slight smile Qui-Gon gave me told me he had sensed and approved of my actions and I let that embolden me. "Let me brush your hair and then we can get down to Master Gal'ynd's torture, I mean treatment."

"Well, since it's standard practice to give a condemned man his last wish" he began, the slight smiled widening as he traded his towel for a pair of sleep pants, grabbed his hairbrush and sat on the bed beside me.

Grateful to again be allowed this familiarity that had been denied me since that fateful day two cycles ago, I took the brush and began smoothing through the long locks. I took my time, brushing through one small section at a time. Every so often Qui-Gon emitted a soft sign of pleasure and I was thrilled that I was the one responsible for allowing him this respite from duty. I continued until the silver-streaked brown mass shone like marble glistening in the midday sun and we were both totally submerged in the moment.

I have no idea how long we remained like that but finally Qui-Gon reached back and handed me the leather tie. Recognizing the signal, I separated the heavy mass into three sections, braided it into a loose plait down his back and tied it off with the leather strip. I fought the desire to bury my face in his hair and settled on inhaling deeply before I handed him back his brush. "So are we doing my bandages or your bruises first?"

"Your bandages," he replied, rising from his place on the edge of the bed. "Let's get you settled in your room before we begin."

I nodded my agreement and he helped me to my feet. Wrapping an arm around my waist, he made another brief stop in the refresher before he assisted me to my room. He pulled the covers down with one hand before helping me to lie back on the bed. As he returned to the common room for the medical supplies, I allowed myself few heartbeats to wallow in the disappointment that our moment of intimacy had passed and then released those feelings to the Force.

Since I had not bothered to don more than my smallclothes since my first trip to the refresher, I unwrapped the layer of gauze that held that bacta patch to my thigh as I waited for Qui-Gon and got my first good look at the cleaned wound. Even through the synthskin, I could see the outline of the long gash though I was relieved to see that it looked substantially better than it had on the ship. Pain still rushed up my leg with any movement, even just from tiny movements of my toes or ankle, but it seemed a bit less intense than it had been even a few hours earlier.

Qui-Gon returned with supplies in tow and sat down beside me. He checked my leg out thoroughly, inspecting the wound and the area around it with the intensity he normally reserved for investigating mission situations. When he was satisfied with his examination, he looked up at me and smiled. "Much improved. You'll be back to full strength in no time."

"Especially since we both know you'll be watching me like a hawkbat to make sure that I comply with all of Master Gal'ynd's restrictions and instructions," I chuckled in reply.

"Dedicated and intelligent. What more could a Master want in an apprentice," he replied. One large hand covered the wound on my leg, sending an influx of healing energies before it lifted off and picked up one of the bacta patches. After gently covering the affected area with the bacta- infused patch, he picked up the roll of gauze and began winding it around my thigh. "Now, let's get this leg rewrapped and you can fulfill the other portion of your healer's instructions."

"Yes, Master," I replied, again fighting an internal war between desire and trepidation at the closeness the healing practice would require.

It took only a minute for Qui-Gon to finish with my leg, set the supplies aside on my dresser and turn back to the bed. "Slide back closer to the wall so that I can lie down beside you. That way you won't have to put any undue pressure on your leg."

Refusing to react to the suggestiveness of those words, I shifted carefully until I was up against the wall and there was room on the mattress beside me. "Lie down, Master, and I will attempt to tend to your bruises."

"Attempt? Have you forgotten your earliest lessons, Padawan?" Qui-Gon chided even as he settled onto the bed facing away from me.

"Never, my Master. I will tend to your bruises," I amended, fighting to keep a chuckle from accompanying the words.

Without further words, I settled into my task. As Force healing was a skill I was barely proficient at, even for my own injuries, I needed the additional benefit of skin-to-skin contact to have any success. I placed both of my hands, palms down, over the largest bruise on Qui-Gon's back and got started. The feel of his skin under my hands was a temptation almost beyond endurance and I struggled to keep my full attention on the task at hand. With ever-increasing effort, I focused on directing what healing energy I could gather into the bruised muscle beneath Qui-Gon's skin.

The intimacy of the process enhanced our normal link and I felt more connected to my Master than I ever had before. It was difficult to keep my thoughts and reactions innocent, as this was an even stricter test of my resolve than the one Master Gal'ynd had given me in Healer's Hall. To say that controlling my reactions was challenging would be an understatement of the highest magnitude. Even as I drew on the Force to augment my meager healing skills, I was releasing my building arousal into it. It was an effort that I doubted I was capable of and I was more than surprised that I was actually able to manage it.

As attuned as I was to Qui-Gon at that moment, it was impossible not to be aware of his feelings and reactions as I tended to him. I was not surprised to sense the lessening of his pain as I channeled healing energy into the bruised flesh. Neither was I surprised to sense his approval as I accomplished my task nor his satisfaction that I didn't allow my inevitable arousal to become a distraction. What did shock me was the hint of a stray thought that I might have finally matured enough for our relationship to move into the more intimate direction we both desired.

Four cycles ago I would have pounced on that thought with an abandon unbecoming a Jedi, pushing, prodding and wheedling until I had either convinced Qui-Gon that we should move forward or he had forced an end to the discussion. But the events that had occurred throughout the day and evening before we had left for Belsavis and the resulting tensions in our relationship had left their mark and I resisted the temptation; a quick pulse of love over our bond was the only response I allowed myself to mark my recognition of his thought.

Another wave of approval washed over the bond and I set my attention on the next bruise. My acceptance of the situation added to my concentration and I found it much easier this time. When I had finished with the two largest bruises, I moved onto the smaller ones, handling each in turn. By the time that I had completed my assignment, the exhaustion overtaking me was insignificant in comparison to the satisfaction I was feeling, both within myself and coming across the bond from Qui-Gon.

"Well done, Padawan," Qui-Gon said as he shifted to a sitting position on my bed. His fingers stroked gently down the length of my braid as he added softly, "You've come a long way during the past few cycles."

I wrapped my hand around those fingers and looked intently at him. "Thank you for not losing faith in me, Master. There must have been times that you despaired that I would ever mature."

"Thankfully those moments were few and far between, Padawan," Qui-Gon replied with a smile. Our eyes locked and, for a moment, the love that lay unexplored between us grew to an almost a tangible thing. All too quickly, the moment ended and Qui-Gon placed a chaste kiss on my forehead. "Get some sleep, Obi-Wan."

Part of me wanted to grab his arm and pull him back down as he rose from the bed, to beg him to delve into the conversation he had come so close to beginning but I managed to fight the impulse. The Force was whispering 'not yet' so I pushed aside my desire and answered in kind, "Sleep well, my Master."

A slight smile was my only reply as he moved across the room and out the door without a word. As my bedroom door slid closed behind him, I rolled onto my back with a groan born more of frustration than of pain. Although intellectually I knew that Qui-Gon's words were an optimistic sign, the waiting was going to be even more unbearable after his veiled admission. I could only hope that my recuperation would go quickly. Getting caught up on my coursework would offer a modicum of distraction during our time in Temple, but it would be nowhere near enough to keep my thoughts from examining the possibilities inherent in Qui-Gon's admission with us spending so much time together. I would have to put extra effort into my therapy and workouts when they were allowed to insure that I didn't go too long without mission responsibilities to assist me in keeping my focus.

  


* * *

I shouldn't have worried about keeping my focus because the situation with Qui-Gon and I spending all our time together never materialized. As soon as Chancellor Valorum got wind of the fact that we were Temple-bound due to my injuries on Belsavis, he sought out Qui-Gon for input on a number of hot spots within the galaxy. By the end of the first ten, it was a rare treat for me to see my Master for more than a shared first meal and the daily joint workouts that Qui-Gon had insisted that Valorum work into his schedule.

Between my daily therapy sessions and my workouts, I used most of the remaining daytime hours to get caught up with my coursework. I also attended a couple of three-day seminars that together would substitute for a cultural philosophy elective course. It wasn't often that we spent extended periods in Temple and since Qui-Gon was away for late-meal most nights, I had most of my meals in the commissary with one or more of my friends from the padawan cadre. It was nice to spend time with my old friends but it didn't get me any closer to having the conversation Qui-Gon had alluded to on the night we returned from Belsavis.

Finally after the full four tens had passed, Master Gal'ynd brought me in for one last evaluation. After an hour that included too much poking and prodding and another long discussion on the necessity of in-field injury treatment between him, Qui-Gon, and myself, the Master Healer cleared me to go back on the mission roster.

Qui-Gon and I left Healer's Hall together and I must admit I was looking forward to having a rare free evening together but before we could even make it back to our quarters, his commlink chirped. He opened the connection and the standard automated summons to the Council Chambers echoed from the small speaker. As he clipped it back to his belt, he chuckled. "That must be a new record. Cleared for duty barely five minutes and we're being summoned."

"Yes, almost as if they were waiting for the notification so they could get us out of the Temple," I said. I tried for a scathing look but failed miserably. "Have you been arguing philosophy with Councilor Poof in the master's lounge again, Master?"

"Would that Chancellor Valorum had left me with enough free time to make it into the master's lounge," Qui-Gon replied wistfully. "You're the one who's been hanging around the Temple with too much time on his hands." The smile that he couldn't quite hide behind the stern master look made his scolding about as effective as mine. "Anything you want to tell me, Padawan?"

Enjoying the relaxed teasing as we continued toward the Council Chambers, I pulled out my most innocent expression as I replied, "I don't think so, Master." I stopped for a moment as if suddenly thinking of something before reaffirming, "No, nothing, Master. I'm sure Master Windu hasn't figured out that Garen and I were the ones who programmed the laundry droids to put starch in his smallclothes."

Qui-Gon laughed aloud and then threw his arm around my shoulders. "And to think that everyone believes you're such a perfect padawan." A gentle squeeze and his expression became more serious. "I expect your atrocious sense of humor will be among the things I will truly miss when I no longer have the pleasure of your company each day."

I stumbled as his words sank in, the implication that I would willingly leave him behind more than I could bear. Unwilling to allow the comment to go unanswered, I worded my reply carefully. "While duty may separate us physically as the years move forward, Qui-Gon, only your personal request to lessen the depth of our connection would ever take me from your side."

Blue eyes bored into mine, searching, seeking, and I met them without a hint of uncertainty marring my resolve. Finally, after a long moment, the hand squeezed again before it dropped off to rest at Qui-Gon's side and he started back down the hallway.

We crossed through the Council antechamber, the silence heavy with unspoken needs and desires. As we reached the chamber doors, Qui-Gon turned to face me, love shining openly in his heavy gaze. "As the Force wills, Obi-Wan," he said before straightening and pressing the keypad that would allow us entry into the chamber.

"The Force wills," I replied in a vehement whisper as I straightened my posture and took my customary place to his right and two paces behind.

  


* * *

As expected, the Council assigned us a new mission - a trade negotiation between a cluster of six planets in the Mid Rim. Within six hours we were both seated on the bunks in our shared ship's quarters reviewing the data files for the mission. There had been no time to have any type of personal conversation while preparing to leave as we had each been concentrating on our portions of the mission tasks. So when I finished reading the last entry on my datapad, I set it down on the bunk and used the silence to organize my thoughts.

When Qui-Gon set his down, he looked over at me and smiled. "Appears to be a typical treaty negotiation, with trade embargos and fees being the main stumbling points. I didn't see any notations of dissident factions or power-hungry military leaders. We should be in and out and back home on Coruscant with a signed treaty within a ten."

"You should know better than to say things like that," I replied with a smirk. "That's what you said about Ord Biniir and look how many days we spent traipsing through forests and swamps, sleeping in caves and living on ration bars when Admiral Neyetil decided to blow up our ship to enhance the position that a stipend should be paid to the military to guard each incoming and outgoing transport?" I must admit that it was satisfying to see a tiny shudder run through Qui-Gon's large frame at the memory.

A slight chuckle accompanied his next words. "We do seem to have developed a penchant for finding trouble lately. Or maybe it would be more accurate to say that trouble always seems to find us."

"Lately?" I laughed. "Bandomeer, Phindhar, Gala, Koban, Kolibar. Need I say more, my Master?"

Qui-Gon's smile widened and the chuckle was a little more pronounced. "All that proves is that you're the trouble magnet, my Padawan. I don't recall my missions being quite so troublesome before you came into my life." He rose from his bunk, crossed the room and stood in front of me. "Not that I'd trade one day of having you by my side for all the safe missions in the galaxy."

The soft comment gave me the opening I'd been hoping for so I said, "If there is nothing else we need to do to prepare for the mission, Master, I was hoping we could use this time to talk about us."

Moving the datapad I had set on the bunk, Qui-Gon sat down beside me and I took that as a sign I should continue. "You've made a number of comments since our return from Belsavis that I'm confused about."

"In what way?" he asked.

"Well, you have stated on more than one occasion how much I have matured and how much you value our time together," I began, intent on staying calm and choosing my words carefully. "These comments gave me hope that you felt I was now ready for us to embark on a more intimate relationship."

"You are correct in your assumptions," he admitted.

My heart soared with his admission but the words did nothing to clear up my confusion. "But each time it happened, I waited for you to say or do something more only to have the moment fade and things go back to the way they have always been."

"Which was as it needed to be," Qui-Gon said, trailing his fingers down the length of my braid. He must have sensed my continued confusion so he added, "The Code is very clear on the only accepted protocol in situations such as this."

I had spent enough hours studying the protocols that I had them just about memorized but I was still confused. "But I have already approached you about initiating an intimate relationship?"

"And I declined your invitation to intimacy," Qui-Gon said softly.

It took me a moment but the light finally came on. "So I have to ask again?" Without waiting for an answer, I leaned forward and pressed my lips gently against his. When I pulled back, I gave voice to the words that sang in my heart, starting by repeating the words he had spoken to me twelve tens ago. "I have loved you and will love you in all ways for as long as the Force allows." I placed one hand over his heart and continued with words of my own. "Although that love is complete in and of itself, my desire for you burns like a flame in my heart. Allow me to share that loving flame with you, to show you physically as well as mentally how deep my love for you runs."

The fingers on my braid stroked gently and I could see a wealth of emotion in Qui-Gon's eyes when he replied, "My love for you knows no bounds, though for much longer than either of us would have liked it did have boundaries. The rationale for those boundaries no longer exists. I eagerly await the opportunity to share the intimacies of the flesh with you within the confines of our love."

Not bothering with any more words, I kissed him again - a long and passionate kiss that left us both hungry for more. We went from sitting on the bunk to lying on it almost without thought as we continued to kiss. Mouths pressed together, tongues explored and tasted each other in turn as our hands stroked over arms and backs covered in the coarse linen of Jedi tunics. I'm not sure how long we kissed but at some point we began rocking our hips against one another.

Even fully clothed, it was erotic and sensual and it didn't take long before I felt the telltale tightening in my balls and pulled back. I gulped in a couple of deep breaths so that I could speak and part of me was seriously questioning my sanity when I did. "I've always envisioned our first time would be in your bed - a long drawn-out lovemaking, with each of us taking the time to taste, touch and explore one another completely before finally joining. Would you think me insane if I asked you if we could wait?"

For a split second, frustration shone in the blue eyes looking over at me but it was almost immediately replaced by a look of pride and satisfaction. Qui-Gon exhaled his own calming breath before replying with a smile, "Insane, no, unexpected, yes. Though it would've been a lot less frustrating for both of us if you had shared this desire with me a few minutes sooner."

"Well, when have you ever known me to take the easy path, Master," I replied, relief at his easy acceptance flooding me.

"It is a rarity," he chuckled. He leaned in and kissed the tip of my nose. "But in this instance, I believe the more challenging path will also be the more satisfying one."

I wrapped one hand around the back of his neck, holding him close when he would have pulled away. I kissed him again, a gentle, loving kiss that I hoped would convey everything I was feeling at the moment. When our lips parted, I leaned my head against his shoulder, struggling to find the right words. Finally, I lifted my head and met his loving gaze. "You were right to turn me away before; I wasn't ready. Thank you for having the patience and the strength to stand firm."

"I can't say that there weren't times I wasn't tempted, my own," Qui-Gon replied. "I dare say there are aphrodisiacs that would pale against the reality of a seduction-intent Obi-Wan."

It was impossible to prevent the blush that rose on my cheeks at his words. "I would gladly recreate each and every one of those failed plans, and an unlimited array of new ones, if you so desire."

"Something to look forward to, "Qui-Gon replied. After another soft kiss, he rolled up into a sitting position. "But for now we have a duty to attend to. We will be arriving on Zeltros just at the beginning of their day cycle. Since I expect that they have planned the negotiations to begin upon our arrival, we had better get some sleep."

"Yes, Master," I replied, fighting to keep any hint of disappointment from my voice. Although I knew he was right, it was difficult to accept that our current closeness would have to be set aside for the duration of the mission.

He must have sensed the direction of my thoughts because after he rose from the bunk, he turned back to me and smiled. "Once words are spoken they cannot be unspoken, my Padawan."

Familiar words, but spoken in a much different context than they had been four cycles ago. I rose to my feet and placed a soft kiss on his lips. "I love you, my Master."

"As I love you." Qui-Gon returned my kiss with one of his own and then waved a hand in the direction of the refresher. "You first. Then meditation and sleep. Morning and Zeltros will be coming much sooner than either of us would like."

"Yes, Master." My smile didn't fade as I grabbed my toiletry bag and headed into the refresher.

  


* * *

For once, our mission to Zeltros went as anticipated. One day to travel to the planet, five days to negotiate the trade agreement, one day for the official treaty signing and obligatory celebratory banquet and one day to travel back to Coruscant. No one shot at us, we got to sleep in real beds, with real bathing and personal facilities and ate three meals a day cooked in proper kitchens. During the entire trip we dealt with nothing more dangerous than breaking up a heated argument between the Zeltrosian trade minister, the Onderon economic minister and the Telti transportation minister and nothing more stressful than listening to hour upon hour of political bickering.

As always, the completion of our duty took precedence over everything else and, even in light our recent decision, our personal interaction continued within the status quo. The only variation to our normal mission routine that we allowed ourselves was a few minutes of kissing and cuddling before we retired into our separate beds each evening. Those few minutes were a mix of bliss and torment and I cannot count the number of times that I wanted to toss my resolution to wait out the nearest airlock.

Although I managed to keep to my resolve while awake, my sleeping mind was another story altogether. Our decision seemed to open a portal into my subconscious and my dreams were filled with erotic images and played-out fantasies that had me scurrying for the refresher most mornings before the sun had even risen, to either clean up or deal with things firsthand.

Even as we waited for the ship's ramp to open into the Temple landing bay, I knew that it would still be some hours before we would be free to tend to personal desires. In addition to the requisite appearance before the Council, we also had to submit our written report to the Chancellor's office and the Temple mission liaison as well as dealing with all the mundane tasks associated with returning from a mission.

Since the mission had been completed without many of the unorthodox decisions and incidents that our missions were usually famous for, our appearance before the Council was completed in record time. Our mission report was accepted without any questions or challenges and the only ominous occurrence was a comment by Master Windu as we were released. He instructed us to 'keep our travel bags packed' as there were a number of situations on the horizon that could require attention at a moment's notice.

We bowed out of the chamber with synchronized replies of "Yes, Master." As we reached the antechamber, I was unable to contain my sigh of frustration at this new turn of events.

Qui-Gon leaned closer to me but the words he spoke were not the chastisement I expected. "As if we didn't have enough inducement for completing our tasks quickly." He increased his pace and, as I struggled to keep up, he began listing off the division of our duties. By the time we reached the hallway to our quarters, we each had our assignments. As he placed his palm on the door panel, he looked over at me with a half smile. "We should have everything completed within two hours."

I picked up the two travel bags that had been delivered from the ship from where they sat beside the door and carried them through the now open doorway. I allowed the longing I had been suppressing to blossom within me and thinned my shields to allow Qui-Gon to sense it. "I think we could get everything done in an hour and a half, if we're resourceful." The door slid closed behind us and Qui-Gon pressed me against it and kissed me. When he would have pulled back, I dropped the bags to the floor, twined my hands in his hair and deepened the kiss. When our mouths finally separated, I amended that assessment. "Make that an hour."

Qui-Gon's eyes darkened with desire and he flashed me a smile. "An hour is a rather challenging estimate, my Padawan. Are you certain you're up for it?"

I grabbed the bags again and headed in the direction of the bedrooms. "I'm up for that and a whole lot more. Just make sure that you are."

A hearty laugh filled the air behind me but I didn't have to look back to know that Qui-Gon was already heading for the data terminal. It wouldn't be easy but with such a wonderful incentive, I was certain we could do it.

  


* * *

In reality it took a little over an hour, but I was just putting that last of the food order into the cooler when Qui-Gon signed off the data terminal. "Finished, Obi-Wan?" he asked as he stretched.

"Just about," I replied. "Why don't you shower while I handle the last few things?" I looked over at him and allowed my desire to once again fill our bond. "And be thorough, Master. I intend on tasting every part of you before this night is over."

If he was surprised by my boldness he didn't show it and headed into his bedroom without another word. As soon as he disappeared, I removed a silver tray from the cabinet behind me and began gathering the special supplies I had ordered. I had showered while waiting for the food delivery so I only needed to get a few things prepared. It took only a few minutes to arrange the Cularian frambriosia, two fluted goblets and the assortment of bite-sized delicacies in an appealing array.

After engaging the privacy lock on the outer door, I turned off the lights in the common area and grabbed the tray. I brought the tray into Qui-Gon's bedroom and placed it on the bedside table along with the exotic lyetta oil I had procured and a small towel. I quickly stripped the linens off Qui-Gon's bed and replaced them with the dark blue cyntharian silk ones that I had purchased shortly after our return from Belsavis. With the bed remade, I stripped out of the tunic and leggings I had put on after my shower, pulled on the green silk sleep pants I had purchased at the same time and then opened the door to the refresher just enough to place the blue pair I had purchased for Qui-Gon on the counter.

Tasks completed, I checked around the room one last time and fought the urge to pace as I waited for Qui-Gon to emerge. When I heard the water turn off, I half-filled two glasses with wine and took a few steps closer to the refresher door with them in my hands.

The door slid open and Qui-Gon emerged, running his palms over the blue silk covering his thighs. "Very nice. You didn't get these from central stores." He glanced over, noticed the new linens on the bed and added, "You've been waiting and planning for a long time, haven't you love?"

I walked a little closer and held out one of the glasses. "For six years in my mind and for six cycles in reality." When Qui-Gon took the glass, I clinked mine softly against his and added, "It was all worth it. To us, Qui-Gon. May our love continue to grow forever."

"To us, Obi-Wan. May the Force bind us together through this life and beyond." He clinked his glass to mine again and smiled. "I only hope that I can live up to your expectations, love."

"Of that I have no doubt," I replied before intertwining our arms and bringing my glass to my lips. He copied my motion and we both slowly sipped the amethyst liquid until our glasses were empty.

Taking my free hand, Qui-Gon walked us over to the bed and placed his empty glass on the tray. "You must have been hoarding your allotments and gone without any indulgences for quite some time to do all of this."

"My allotments and a bunch of owed favors," I replied as I placed my glass beside his. "And I would do it again in a heartbeat."

"I'm honored by your devotion although I'm fairly certain I do not deserve it." Turning so we were face to face, Qui-Gon stroked the backs of his fingers over my cheek as he added, "Share your most desired fantasy with me so I can make this night perfect for you."

I couldn't help but chuckle at the request. "There have been so many fantasies, so many imagined encounters of seduction and romance and passion. But as I look at you now, blue silk against tanned skin, hair loose and flowing over your shoulders, your love for me shining in your eyes, none of them matter. Seeing you standing here poised to embark on this new path with me makes them all pale against the reality of this moment." I leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "Fantasies can wait for another day and time. Let us learn one another as all new lovers do, by tasting and touching, by trial and error, until every secret of our bodies is revealed to the other. Love me, Qui-Gon, and let me love you."

Not bothering with words, Qui-Gon answered me by lowering me down onto the bed and spreading out on top of me. Nothing could have prepared me for the reality of this, pressed together skin to skin, and when he kissed me again my capacity for thought was lost. Soft kisses morphed into probing kisses, tongues twined and tasted until our lips were bruised and swollen and we were both panting and moaning.

Qui-Gon's lips shifted to other parts of my face, placing gentle kisses over my cheeks, eyelids and forehead before moving on to my ears and neck. I gasped as his tongue traced the whorl of my ear and moaned as he sucked a passion mark onto the tender skin of my neck. By the time his lips closed over one of my nipples, I was babbling incoherently and torn between pulling his head back up or pushing it down. I reached down frantically and he looked up when I tugged none too gently on his hair. "Please," I entreated, not sure what I wanted but knowing that I wanted more.

"Patience, love. I recall you saying that you wanted a long drawn-out first time," Qui-Gon answered with a smile.

"I've changed my mind," I groaned, tugging again.

He pried my fingers from his hair and continued his tongue's meandering path down my chest. "Nonsense. Anything worth having is worth waiting for."

As if to prove his point, Qui-Gon's hands, lips, and tongue explored my body with a single-mindedness that was as overwhelming as it was exciting. He proceeded to touch each and every part of me with agonizing slowness. It was as if, in addition to pleasuring and arousing me, he was trying to learn each contour and curve of my flesh and commit it to memory. His fingers trailed over me, tracing familiar scars and calluses and tender skin with motions that were equal parts caress and scrutiny.

I squirmed when Qui-Gon's tongue dipped inside my navel but before I could even let him know that it had tickled, he was continuing downward. He blew a puff of breath over the damp silk covering my erection and my back arched looking for more. He peeled off my sleep pants but instead of moving between my legs to take me as I expected, he leaned forward and licked at the damp head of my cock. "Inside me, please," I moaned with my last bit of coherence.

"Not yet, want to taste you first," he replied and put words into action by swallowing me whole.

The hot wetness surrounding me coupled with the knowledge that it was Qui-Gon's mouth enclosing me was more than enough. He had barely begun to suck and I was lost, moaning his name as my release pulsed into his mouth.

When I finally regained enough mental capacity to open my eyes, Qui-Gon was kneeling beside me looking rather smug. "Now we can continue with slowly," he said before leaning forward to lick at one of my nipples.

It took me another minute or two to convince my body to move but when I did, I pushed Qui-Gon over on his back and rolled on top of him. "My turn." Without waiting for agreement, I began my own exploration, starting by returning to his lips.

I duplicated the path Qui-Gon had taken on my body, kissing my way over his face and down to his neck and chest. I bit and licked at his earlobes, rewarded by some pleasurable sighs. Sighs turned to moans when I created a matching passion mark on his neck and by the time I reached his nipples he was arching into my touches. There was no squirming when I reached his navel but blowing on his silk-covered penis had him grasping handfuls of sheets to keep from moving.

Moving to kneel beside him, I drew the sleep pants down Qui-Gon's long legs, tossing them to the floor as I leaned forward. I managed to lick a drop of fluid from the tip of his penis but before I could go any further Qui-Gon tugged on my braid.

"Unless you want to wait a few hours for anything more penetrating, you'd better stop now, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon wrapped one hand around my refirming penis and smirked. "I'm not as young or resilient as you are."

I leaned forward, allowing myself another quick taste, before lying beside him on the bed. "Though I am fairly certain I could rekindle you to attention in much less than a few hours, we can leave that experiment for another time." I reached over and picked up the vial of oil from the bedside table. "I think we've waited long enough." I held out the bottle. "Sometimes, I feel like I've been waiting forever."

Qui-Gon kissed me and then took the oil from my hand. "Well, love, forever is now." He kissed me again and then shifted to kneel between my legs. He made a show of pouring oil over his fingers and moving them down between my legs.

I couldn't tear my eyes away as his hand disappeared between my legs so I shifted up onto my elbows and watched. Although I had done this many times with others, the sight and feeling of Qui-Gon's fingers pressing into my body was incredible. He took his time, going from one to two then finally to three fingers with slow precision and it felt so good I was beginning to think I could come just from the pleasure.

After what felt like both an eternity and an instant, Qui-Gon pulled his fingers from inside me and poured another measure of oil into his palm. He started to move from between my legs and placed his other hand on my hip, prodding me to roll over, but I resisted his direction.

"No, this way. I want to be able to see your face when you press inside me," I insisted. When he settled back down, I brought my legs up to rest against his chest and let all the love I felt for him flow over the bond. "Love me, Qui-Gon. Give us what we've both been waiting for."

Without delay, Qui-Gon positioned his cock against the opening of my body and pressed slowly inside. If I thought having his fingers inside me was wonderful, having his penis stretching and filling me was magnificent. When he started moving, the only thing I was able to do was feel.

Moans, groans and babbled endearments filled the room even as the sensations passed between us over the bond and it was nearly impossible to distinguish my voice from his or which sensations were his or mine.

"Oh, yes, please, more," I moaned as he stroked into me slowly, astonished by the begging cadence of my own voice. I grabbed hold of his lower arms for leverage and pushed back against him. "Please, harder."

"Not yet, won't last," Qui-Gon groaned, continuing the torturously slow pace.

Pushing back again, I yelled, "Don't care. We can do slow later."

At first I thought he would argue but after a moment Qui-Gon increased his pace. I fell back onto the bed under the intensity of his thrusts, giving myself over to the sensations rushing through my body at my talented lover's pleasurable assault.

My cries of "Yes, that's it, right there," were matched by Qui-Gon's moans of "So good, so tight," and the sounds only added to my arousal.

When Qui-Gon wrapped one hand around my erection and began stroking in counterpoint to his thrusts, I knew I wouldn't last much longer. I reached down and brushed my fingertips over the sensitive skin of his balls. A shudder ran through his body as he groaned in pleasure and I was thrilled to know that I was having such an effect on him. Determined to bring him over with me, I continued moving my fingers even as the beginning of my orgasm tightened the muscles surrounding him.

With that last conscious thought, I was lost as my climax washed though me. The tremors of pleasure that ran through me weren't just centered on my groin but seemed to reach from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. I attempted to cry out Qui-Gon's name as I came, but I'm not sure if I managed to get the words past my lips or if they were just echoing in my head.

In the haze of my pleasure, I thought I heard Qui-Gon groan as he stilled within me but it was only when he collapsed on top of me that I knew for certain that he had found his release as well. He rolled off me after a long moment, sprawling onto his back with a satisfied groan.

After a moment Qui-Gon looked over at me with a self-effacing smile. "If I'd had any idea of what I was missing out on with my six months of obstinacy, I might have capitulated to your invitation sooner." He ran one hand down my chest, his fingertips drawing random patterns in the semen cooling on my stomach. "My reasons for waiting seem inconsequential after the powerful reality of our intimacy."

That admission from my always-confident Master left me at a loss for words that I covered by drawing him to me for a tender kiss. I pulled back only when I had composed my somewhat sardonic return comment. "Be thankful that I didn't give up on us."

"I certainly am," Qui-Gon replied. He placed a slightly firmer kiss on my lips and added as he pulled back, "It appears that, in this case, your tenacity and unwillingness to take 'no' for an answer was our salvation."

"Well, one of us had to be thinking beyond the moment," I replied before kissing him again. After a long and diligent exploration of his mouth, I pulled back and whispered against his lips, "Though I am finding this moment extremely enjoyable."

Qui-Gon chuckled as he pushed me away with a gentle nudge. "And I'm certain we will enjoy an array of pleasurable moments but this old body needs more than a few minutes of recovery time before I can continue."

"Well, I guess I can accommodate your need for rest," I replied, my pout fully overshadowed by the happiness I knew shone in my eyes. I grabbed the towel from the table, wiping the semen and sweat from both of our stomachs. Tossing the towel away, I settled down beside him, resting my head in the crook of his shoulder. "As long as I can stay right beside you."

"I wouldn't want you anywhere else," he replied. A brief kiss to my hair and his arms tightened around me, pulling me closer to him.

I pressed a kiss to the skin under my lips. "Sleep, my Master, and when you are rested we can give slow and drawn-out a second try." I felt more than heard his reply as I found myself drifting off into a sated sleep as well.

  


* * *

It took me a moment to get my bearings when I woke up. The feel of the unfamiliar bed combined with Qui-Gon's familiar presence had me wondering if I was dreaming. I kept my eyes closed as I stretched and it wasn't until the twist of my body accentuated a rare ache that I remembered our activities from earlier in the evening.

I opened my eyes to see Qui-Gon lying on his side beside me, head propped on one hand, looking down at me in amusement. "What?"

"I'd forgotten how much you wiggle around when you sleep. Since we're now going to be sleeping together, I guess I'll have to increase your exercise routine to work off some of this excess energy," he teased.

"Or you could find some other way for me to burn off my excess energy." The look of amusement faded into an expression that I was coming to recognize as banked desire. "Ready for round two," I purred, running one hand down his flank.

He grabbed my hand, brought it to his lips and kissed the palm. "In a moment." Qui-Gon's expression turned serious as he added, "Received a message from Mace a few minutes ago. We are being dispatched to Clak'Dor VII to investigate a rash of pirate attacks against incoming and outgoing trade vessels. Our transport leaves at 0700."

I took me only a moment to do the mental calculations. "It's a two day hyperspace journey to Clak'Dor VII. Plenty of time for us to review the situation, plan out a strategy and get enough sleep to arrive rested and ready to go." I repeated my earlier path down Qui-Gon's flank with my free hand as I added, "And since our bags are already packed and ready, that gives us the rest of the night to indulge in that array of pleasurable moments you promised me earlier."

Qui-Gon might have tried to answer me but anything he attempted to say was swallowed in our kiss as I pressed my lips to his. I was smart enough to know that this new intimacy would be left behind when we boarded the transport to Clak'Dor VII and it could be tens before we were again free to indulge in this new aspect of our relationship. But the barrier had been broken and we had finally acted on our feelings for each other. As Qui-Gon had said twice before, 'Once words are spoken they cannot be unspoken'. I might have to go back to sleeping alone and using my hand for sexual release for the duration of the mission but I would do so with the knowledge that when we returned to the Temple, the physical intimacy we had set aside for duty would be waiting for us as soon as we crossed the threshold into our quarters. In light of that knowledge, the fact that we only had a few hours until duty once again took precedent mattered not at all.


End file.
